There's been plenty of bad news lately. So maybe we can laugh a little at ourselves. David Letterman's famous Top 10 list last night focused on the Postal Service. Here are his,
"Top Ten Ways The United States Postal Service Can Turn Things Around:"
10
Change name to UPS
9
Invent a stamp that licks back
8
Add wacky sound effects for mailboxes
7
Alter mail trucks to look like Millennium Falcon from "Star Wars"
6
If your letter isn't delivered in 30 minutes or less, it's free
5
Bedazzled uniforms
4
New hit reality show: "Real Mailmen of New Jersey"
3
Customers can now pay with gas or grass
2
Take the Packers and give three and a half tomorrow night
1
Ten cent surcharge to deliver my hate mail — you'll
So, now it's your turn. Let's make our own list! Comment here.
22 comments:
1. Somehow convince Congress to end the requirement we prefund 75 years' worth of future retiree health benefits within 10 years.
2. Somehow convince Congress to refund the $50-$75 Billion CSRS overpayment.
3. Somehow convince Congress to refund the $6.9 Billion FERS overpayment.
4. Somehow convince Congress to allow USPS to make its own business-like decisions, like how many days per week to deliver and how many retail outlets to maintain.
If we could accomplish these 4, we would not need another 6, and could continue on, at least breaking even, indefinitely.
Can I get an AMEN ? !!!
11. Wear white uniforms, play jingly music and sell ice cream along your route.
12: Every ten thousandth customer on an APC gets a free book of stamps.
13: Free photo touchup with every passport application.
14: Offer to walk customers dogs for free (they chase you anyway)
15: offer customers free handgun classes from real experts
16: Botox the sales clerks to remove their permanent scowls
17: Mandate that supervisors smile and say thank you for every clerk that says something behind their backs
18: Free mobile wifi in the trucks
19: For a nomial fee, offer to lose your bills for a couple weeks
Nothing says Merry Christmas like a mangled greeting card stuffed in a "body bag"
20. Have PMG Donahoe appear on Undercover Boss so he has a clue what he's talking about.
charge more for junk mail and less for those of us who are working to support the P.O.
Amen to #20!! I'd invite him down to my office on a Saturday so he can see how much mail we handle...then back again on Monday!
21. Offer to be designated mailpicker and deliverer for your firm and he will add your logo on his uniform ofcourse if approved by Congress and for a fee $100 for 100 pounds or less for a week.
22. Have fastfood chains, bank ATMS, or other similar frachisers franchise some of the postoffices we offer as collateral of $10B that Issa bill offers and they they their money back and we profit for the postoffices noted as losing money and get it approved by Congress and PMG
23. Rent ad space on LLVs & Semis on by week or month basis.
24. Have MPOOs work in offices which are understaffed.
25. Stop redundant printing for one week.
26. Charge $1.00 for every COA.
Allow the office discontinuance committee to say something besides " I dont know, and I dont have the answer" when asked questions at community meetings!
To Anonymous at 12:14. Then they will say, "I don't care, you are being closed anyway!" The hearings are just a formality.
I totally agree with #20. He has no idea what we do in our small offices.
I also agree with #20. He has no idae at all. The discontinuence committee never knows what to answer.Send the person that is going to make the final disision on closing an office to the community meeting.Come out and vist our small offices.Look at where we are,middle of nowhere.Leave our rural offices alone
A rural Postmaster in a one person office DOES IT ALL! We're not just a pretty face dressed up to be an administrator. We are the sales clerk, administrator, janitor, grounds keeper, safety person and much more. We multi task with many hats. I for one get tired of receiving the same e-mail information from multiply individuals. Obviously someone has nothing better to do, or they believe we don't get it the first time.
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